(o)(o)
6:03 PM Edit This 1 Comment »
Every few days, I am blessed with emotional and mental re-birth.
Lots of old childhood stuff coming back up.
Using overly-simplistic and purely symbolic coping mechanisms.
All around me, I have so much validation. People constantly remind me how intelligent, wise, empathetic, successful, and diligent I am. Fighting the urge to punch them in the face or scream at them for how stupid they are at having any faith or good thoughts toward me has proven challenging. And finally, FINALLY, I don't have a real person constantly telling me otherwise. For a while, I thought I had to be that person, or at least pick up from wherever any negative influences and events in my life left off. Realizing the actions, mechanisms, causes, and effects without either validating or ceasing-just being, doing. Being alone, doing it alone, is all I can do for now. As much as doctors are trying to help me right now, I have found so much more in my own damn self. Partial rant. Meh.
Lots of old childhood stuff coming back up.
Using overly-simplistic and purely symbolic coping mechanisms.
All around me, I have so much validation. People constantly remind me how intelligent, wise, empathetic, successful, and diligent I am. Fighting the urge to punch them in the face or scream at them for how stupid they are at having any faith or good thoughts toward me has proven challenging. And finally, FINALLY, I don't have a real person constantly telling me otherwise. For a while, I thought I had to be that person, or at least pick up from wherever any negative influences and events in my life left off. Realizing the actions, mechanisms, causes, and effects without either validating or ceasing-just being, doing. Being alone, doing it alone, is all I can do for now. As much as doctors are trying to help me right now, I have found so much more in my own damn self. Partial rant. Meh.
1 comments:
It's like if you've put out a piece of art, and get 100 good reviews, and 1 bad one, somehow the negative one seems like it's the only honest one. Loyal friends will always say 'you're doing well..' etc, without thinking about it, like its a natural reflex.
I'd like to think I can tell, when I look at someone, if they are paying attention when I talk, or drifting off and saying menial, standardized responses back.
Intelligent conversation is tough in social situations, especially with strangers
Sometimes I'll have an 'honest' conversation that feels 'more real' with someone when I've been drinking
If that person says both a positive thing, then a negative thing, I think I take them seriously, except then I will be self-conscious about that negative thing
Its a never ending cycle
I relate to this post, I think
I want to punch those people in the face too!!
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