Part update, part explanation: my longest lesson on gratitude.
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Haven't used this blog in months!
I'm privatizing most of my old posts, keeping them for my own reflection and reference, they no longer reflect my state of self.
Long story short: 2007 was spent in emotional paralysis over the events of 2006. In January 2008, I decided to make a transition toward total and complete self-love. I was on my way, then started culinary school that spring, and while working 45 hours a week, going to school 20 hours a week, and keeping on top of homework, spiraled downward back into purging, restricting, weighing, measuring. I also had caved and went from a 95% raw diet to a standard culinary school diet of pie, quiche, and hor d'oeuvres and all things au gratin, which was obviously not supporting my emotions at all. There it is, all out in the open.
I can't say this was a bad experience at all, I experienced some emotions that I could not let my self feel, I grieved over things that had happened all throughout my life. Things I was just ignoring in hopes that they would all magically disappear from my mind as I progressed spiritually, emotionally and in health. I am so wholly grateful to have had this most comprehensive and special emotional/mental/spiritual cleansing experience that cannot come from a change in dietary and breathing habits or an increase in meditation practice! And on top of truly facing my demons, I became a culinary school graduate in the process!
On August 24th, 2008, the day after I graduated culinary school, I decided that day had come, and I haven't looked back since. I live in love. Every day is the best day of my life.
How could I ever have once claimed to hate my body? It's only a product/symbol/map of my response to stimuli that I perceive as external from my SELF. I lied then. I was disgusted with my own poor coping mechanisms. The more I love my self and the body I chose/was given, the more it becomes a product of that love, a projected reverberation of ecstatic joy!
I love me.
I love us.
I'm privatizing most of my old posts, keeping them for my own reflection and reference, they no longer reflect my state of self.
Long story short: 2007 was spent in emotional paralysis over the events of 2006. In January 2008, I decided to make a transition toward total and complete self-love. I was on my way, then started culinary school that spring, and while working 45 hours a week, going to school 20 hours a week, and keeping on top of homework, spiraled downward back into purging, restricting, weighing, measuring. I also had caved and went from a 95% raw diet to a standard culinary school diet of pie, quiche, and hor d'oeuvres and all things au gratin, which was obviously not supporting my emotions at all. There it is, all out in the open.
I can't say this was a bad experience at all, I experienced some emotions that I could not let my self feel, I grieved over things that had happened all throughout my life. Things I was just ignoring in hopes that they would all magically disappear from my mind as I progressed spiritually, emotionally and in health. I am so wholly grateful to have had this most comprehensive and special emotional/mental/spiritual cleansing experience that cannot come from a change in dietary and breathing habits or an increase in meditation practice! And on top of truly facing my demons, I became a culinary school graduate in the process!
On August 24th, 2008, the day after I graduated culinary school, I decided that day had come, and I haven't looked back since. I live in love. Every day is the best day of my life.
How could I ever have once claimed to hate my body? It's only a product/symbol/map of my response to stimuli that I perceive as external from my SELF. I lied then. I was disgusted with my own poor coping mechanisms. The more I love my self and the body I chose/was given, the more it becomes a product of that love, a projected reverberation of ecstatic joy!
I love me.
I love us.
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